This is my confession. My English is not great and my owner does not listen to me. I found a nice homeless man who understands me very well. He is the one who will be writing these posts. Obviously I cannot use a keyboard.
The Republicans and conservatives are baffled by Hillary’s lack of adulting. They don’t see how it is that she cannot simply take responsibility for losing to Trump. I am the resin! I am the pee in the princesses’ mattresses! I am the hotflash that made her faint! I am the one who gave Vlad her email password!
Hilary is not crazy. Hilary has been sabotaged, by me…the Covfefe! This is my story…
So Comrade my black chanel has lost his mind for reallies. He tricked my human into making him a podcast and now he's spreading his craziness over the whole world.
What is worse he is bringing me in on all this bizarrenessity. Don't get me wrong I love Comrade, I go to his church. But he is bonkers. He is bonkers compared to bonkers.
Here is the blog my human made:
Comrade and Covfefe
The podcast is there as well. But the blog is very ugly not beautiful like mine!
Most people these days think dat the dinosaurs was birds. But we all know what that means. That means that the reason for their extinction is obvious: Covfefe.
You see birds is the cat favorite. We love the chittering noises they make and that stupid way they hop around like circus clowns. But especially love the way our class feel in those soft feathers.
So who killed the dinosaurs? I did. And latest scientific research by scienters shows that this is how Jurassic park would have been: Panthera Park
I’ve always gotten very hungry whenever my humans watch that movie and now we know why. Bad science makes everybody hungry. But I am the meteor that blotted out the sun, I am the Jam between your toes, and the lint in your dreyer! I am
This is my super secret training regimen.
When my “master” who always calls himself by the code name “daddy” (my sources have confirmed his real name is very strange and useless) makes the bed I attack it like a ninja!
My goal is to to prevent “daddy” from making the bed for as long as possible. Usually I do this by staying under the sheet and using my radar sense to move around because I am the Dark knife under the sheets, I am the Covfefe!
I is the darkness in the dark, I is the Russia scandel, I is Kelly Annie’s menopause!
My blak canal to Russia is in the form of my favoritest religious, he makes Gandi seem like big bird and not just because big bird is also make believe
Which is sad because Covfefe would eat big bird…with a side of catnip.
Introducing Comrad real presence:
He does confessions through twitter so it’s super confidential.
James Mattis said nothing keeps him up at night, because he keeps people up at night! That was pretty sweet I gotta say. But the truth is Mattis is a liar. I Covfefe, the wind in the keyhole, the dandruff on your shoulder, the fly in your soup, I KEEP MATTIS UP AT NIGHT!!!!
How long will the Clintons and their trolls play these games. How long will they bang their heads against the doors I’ve closed! These fools! They want to take children away from their parents because they don’t let little billy call himself sally and wear a bra?!? That’s good! Bras are uncomfortable! No body wants to wear them! I made them that way! I hate bras. And sally is a stupid name.
If they do this, if the Clints & the regressives think they can take away all of Bill the dumb dumb Guy’s sex junk children, they are sadly mistaken! I will steal their children and bring them to my lair and force them to make Maga hats for the MAGA himself. I will descend like the angel of death onto Egypt and free all the Jews from evil Pharoah Clinton and enslave of the regressive children.
I is the terror maker…I is the Covfefe!
It is hard to believe but I am why Wonder Woman was the greatest movie ever made. You see I am the shadow in the darkness. I am the emails on Hillary’s blackberry. And I am the sabotage of Superman. That’s right I made all the DC movies suck. I let them do 1 or 2 okay ones then I sabotage them.
How else do you explain Superman and Super 2-4? That was me. Or Batman and then Batman Returns-Robin? I didn’t think TDK would be very good so I left well enough alone. But after I saw how good it was…I bought a plane ticket to Australia…and that’s history.
The Marvel movies were so bad for so long I didn’t need to do anything there. But really it is because Diana is my favorite. I’ve always been in love with her and I wanted to make her shine. So I ruined superhero movies just enough so they would keep making them but never be better than my lady was going to be. Because my lady is the best. My Gal is the best gal. My Gal belongs to Covfefe.
The Maga, called by humans Donald, stole the MAGA hat idea from me, The Covfefe! The Shadow Gov’T didn’t want to reveal the Maga’s true name so I devised a plan: the MAFA.
Make America Fancy Again! The dirty dems would’ve never seen it coming. Mericans aren’t fancy. Fancy rhymes with Nancy! And no real Mericans are Nancies! We would catch them with the element of surprise and still be MAGAing.
But the Maga himself said we should not be coward and use clever tactics. We must be bold and MAGA everything as fast as possible. And that’s exactly what we did. You’re welcome Mericans. But I never got credit for the hat…until now!